just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
