i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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