i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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