anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
