Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
