I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize