im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I need to align my fucking chakras
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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