Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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