You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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