Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
