Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
