Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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