Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize