I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
