Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So vagazzling was a success
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
