Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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