New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
