i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i drank out of a bidet.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
