There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
