She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
