im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
this hospital has no fireball
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize