I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
