His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize