I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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