I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
