He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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