I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize