Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
