We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
