Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
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