dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
