Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
