Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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