Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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