So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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