coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
