If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
