it wasn't lemon gatorade
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
