I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize