We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
