So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
