I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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