My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
