I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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