U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
