I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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