Cold hands, warm shart.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
