just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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