If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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