ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
