I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
