Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
