How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
