Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
