tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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