another moral hangover. fuck.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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