I puked a lego.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
