My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
