My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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