Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
