look no pants
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
