She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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