Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
