My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
