ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize