Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
