my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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