At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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