so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
