Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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