I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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