i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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