Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize