I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
