32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
