While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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