so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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