is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
