That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
