Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
