She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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