I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
