right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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