Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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