I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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