just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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