Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
