I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
