we're blogging at a bar
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Operation Purity has been aborted
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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