"it" just moved
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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