I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I checked into jail on foursquare
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
